Warah: When gift-giving hurts the planet, time to rethink it

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Of all the nuts on this planet, a friend somehow managed to choose the one nut I’m allergic to as a Christmas gift: hazelnuts. Fortunately, I found another friend who worships at the altar of hazelnut-chocolate combinations and was thrilled to receive them.

Yes, I regifted. Transparency is key, right?

Modelling behavior is a thing, isn’t it? Like last year, I gifted a friend dark chocolate, casually dropping the fact that I avoid dairy. Fast-forward a year, and I receive a towering box of milk chocolate with caramel. Not the crispy, delightful kind — no, it was the rubbery type that latches onto your teeth like a needy ex.

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But the pièce de résistance? A massive box of white chocolate with mint. A close friend, who had heard me repeatedly declare my lack of a sweet tooth, somehow thought this was the perfect gift. I mean, what more could I have done? Skywriting?

Over the years, my life has been a parade of gifts I can’t consume. It’s perplexing, amusing and mildly disappointing. I abhor food waste, but I also won’t force down something I dislike. Regifting has often saved the day, except when faced with the true horrors — such as a neighbour’s one-kilo monstrosity of sugar-laden, neon-coloured candies. That gift wasn’t fit for regifting; it was a straight-to-compost situation.

Guided by the Golden Rule, I once brought friends a thoughtful bag of fruits: apples, grapes, kiwis and even a pineapple. In return, they gifted me a trifecta of horrors: fluorescent energy drinks in yellow, blue and green, paired with a box of no-name doughnuts. Why? I’ve never, in my life, touched an energy drink, let alone one that glows in the dark.

This seemingly karmic loop of dreadful gifts left me pondering the cosmic question: Do we attract what we dread? With every unwanted gift, I wasn’t just losing potential joy; I was also burdened with the eco-responsibility of disposing of it sustainably. The low point? A pair of yellow nylon arm covers from friends returning from Hong Kong. I thought they were misfit knee-high socks. Nope: sunblock sleeves. Because, apparently, long-sleeved clothing and natural fibers are too passé for sun protection.

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Mindful gift-giving strategies

Here’s a radical idea: Why not give people gifts they actually like? I personally make it a mission to subtly discover what friends enjoy or, Heaven forbid, just ask them. In this era of waste reduction, it’s baffling that some still grab the first random item they see. Gifts should bring joy, not distress.

Also, with all the noise about sugary foods being little health grenades, why are we still gifting them? Seriously, it’s not that hard to find out a friend’s preferences. Most people are happy to share their likes, dislikes and allergies. Just ask.

Let’s start a new trend this year: thoughtful gifting that prevents waste, protects the environment and saves our relationships. Swap sweets for fruits and nuts. When in doubt, ask about food preferences. Let’s make bad gifts a thing of the past and gift happily ever after.

Aïda Warah is an Ottawa psychologist and poet.

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